August 2021

I have travelled! My paranoid by pandemic brain was going crazy, but I went with my family for two weekends to Denmark. It was scary as they do not wear masks!? However, we have spend our time differently and it was great! Parties and meetings... but we came back sick. Our quick tests claim is not COVID-19 and I won't argue otherwise I would have to isolate... I feel pretty bad... same as any time I caught something from my child. She is mildly sick for 3 days, I can hardly function for a week or two.

I have some thoughts about kids spending time on Pads, computers, phones, TVs. I know why it is tempting and why it became a norm but I am keep on trying raising my kids as low tech as possible... Is is a good idea? We will see... also I am just a human I might not hold that long anyway... but as so far... I still stand by banging with spoons on pots vs watching tv... I treat it as a nerve training... one my kids reach adulthood nothing will be able to flip my bucket... (or absolutely anything...)

What's more... I went though a PhD roller-coaster. I thought I won't continue after a year and half break... but I will - at a different university with updated supervisor team! The fact that such thing is possible is a mixture of circumstances... But, I am happy about new set-up it lifted a 'cloud of misery' from my work and achievements in my first 2 years of studies. I can now look back and be proud of what I achieved... What I have learned... if you working under bad conditions there is always a way to get out of it without losing everything... Will I finish with a doctorate degree? Let's see... as for now... I am excited...

I have read very little... but the book I did read shook my mind and pushed me forward with my mental healing process... That eats up time and energy... or maybe it is yet another excuse for not keeping my monthly reading goal...

BOOK(S)

'Discovering the Inner Mother: A guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power' by Bethany Webster

I will say that the Inner Mother and the Mother Wound terminology took long time for me to get used to and not cringe on it... but what do I know about catchy psychological terms... I had hard time treating those terms seriously (it might be just me and my mind... but what can I do...) but to some extend  do believe that exactly that made it possible for me to chew through this heart/mind heavy for me material. I have learned so much about myself... I have journaled a lot... I am grateful that this book came across my life... due to endless hours on amazon, scrolling through all sorts of book titles. My amazon-shopping addiction, procrastination, numbing method, relaxation, toilet time entertainment - thank you.

July 2021

I seem to be just generally late with posting... but I am at least sticking to it. It is my only writing practice, better than nothing I guess...

QUOTE

I have come across this quote and it brought me closer to people around me:

Zadie Smith in 'Intimations': 'But when the bad day in your week finally arrives - and it comes to all - by which I mean, that particular moment when your sufferings, as puny as they may be in the wider scheme of things, direct themselves absolutely and only to you, as if precisely designed to destroy you and only you, at that point it might be worth allowing yourself the admission of the reality of suffering...'

TRAVELING

This month started with an exciting event of travelling out of Bremen. I went with my family to Denmark to visit my husband’s relatives. It was a powerful trip for us. To do different things, be different places, eat different food and engage with different people. My daughter came back exhausted and enriched by connection with her cousins. Because of corona-pandemic we are living so isolated from our roots that we forgot how much more peaceful life is if you embedded in your family’s networks. And I mean it despite all the obvious tensions that are part of its web. We look forward to go again which we plan to do next month.

GENERAL

The trip to Denmark was just the beginning of the recharging life energy summer. Right after coming back my parents visited which started a wonderful time of sleeping more, because they help with child-care. The aspect of sleeping more is not something our kids care about but me and my husband cannot get over the fact that we can slumber in bed till 10 am on some of the days. It might not sound that crazy unless you put it in the perspective of our default 5 am ;)

My reading didn’t pick up that much pace as I hoped but I have reached the goal of finishing three books this month.

BOOKS

'What happened to you?' by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry

This book has changed how I think about people. It made me more connected to human beings; Broaden my perspective on mental health and how our childhood influences who we are and what we struggle with. Full of wisdom and scientific facts, but written in a very approachable warm way as a dialog between Winfrey and Perry.

‘How to talk so little kids will listen’ by Joanna Faber and Julie King

I have reached my limits as a mother and I needed tools. THIS BOOK IT GREAT! I probably have to read it again or something similar in a half a year or so when I forget how to talk to my little one but for now I feel more prepared for dealing with challenging issues like convincing my daughter that it is time to go to bed... (it is not easy but I am able to go through it way more gracefully... for now at least... I am sure my 4 year old will surprise me with yet another way of resisting sleeping...Yay)

‘Prepared’ by Diane Tavenner

It made me hungry for more information how to educate future generations. In itself it is mostly a story how Tavenner with many others created revolutionary high schools based on taking a responsibility for the future of every single child entering those schools. I wish I went to her school...