December 2020

CHRISTMAS

December is a festive month. It is time of uncontrolled consumptions but also time when we make a huge investment into social gatherings. The coronavirus influenced, as expected, all the aspects of this month. Here in Germany we couldn't shop for presents as usually in the last minute amok because of lockdown that closed all non-necessary shops. Also, we couldn't meet at Christmas markets and enjoy the vibe of street food, lovely lights and buying things nobody really needs. We couldn't meet at Christmas parties drinking our brains out whole nights wearing Santa's hats. And just generally on everyday basis due to distance rules one feels less united with random strangers around. 

But most of all because of constant anticipation of what rules we will have to follow this Christmas due to pandemics I felt like I waited more for the announcements than for the holiday itself.

In the end, I have spend Christmas with my closest family, I couldn't meet with my parents, but my brother visited.  As our parents couldn't visit we received this December a lot of packages. To avoid stress instead of Christmas Eve dinner I with my husband and two children had pancakes for breakfast and after it we have spend relaxed time opening presents and playing with new toys and gadgets we got from each other and our families. We had backed chicken for dinner and after it we baked cookies that we prepared together with milk for Santa.

BOOKS

I am taking a lot of notes while reading. It became my new thing but I have no idea when I will get to use them to make my reviews more thorough...

The Confidence Code' by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay

This book is written by two cool ladies and it is a very pleasant reading. It was inspiring and informative but lightly written. I highly recommend.

'Confidence is linked to doing.'

'The Organized Mind' by Daniel Levitin

It was way more informative and rewarding book that I have expected. This book in more research based than just self-help tips that I appreciate a lot. I liked the chapter about medical decision making, but it also made me confused if it is still a book on mind as it seems like the author dives so deeply to some aspects of organizing the thought process that sometimes it feels like one reads an entirely different book.

'Girl, wash your face' by Rachel Hollis

This is a typical self-help book. I was curious about and decided to give it a go. As with most books like this one has to take it with a slight distance to the author. I do not follow her on social media I only know her because her book was recommended to me by Amazon and it had great reviews (that I am surprised about). While reading I thought this book was waste of time but I kept on reading mostly because of my therapy goals that I will be finishing things I start. 

And then came few sentences in the chapter 'I need to make myself smaller' (in each chapter she discusses one lie a lot of women in her opinion unfortunately live like they do believe in it) that suddenly made reading this book worth it. (She just put words on some of the things I have been chewing through in my therapy.) Thank you girl! (btw. this is the style the author addresses her readers - a bit tiring as for me)

loosing weight after pregnancy

FAAP - Fit Again After Pregnancy

Part 1

So here I am after second pregnancy. Some lucky and disciplined ladies put on the recommended 12 kg but not me. Just like in my first run it seemed like I have it all under control but I ended up with more than 20 kg (because in the end I had no nerves to spare to keep checking... actually even my gynecologist gave up on measuring). 

Shortly, soon it is two months after delivery and I have 14 kg to lose?! There are of course good news and bad news. 

Bad ones are obvious it is 14 kg freaking kilo - one do not just loose that much while being highly sleep deprived, and consuming random candy to some how patiently survive yet another intensive day of caring for newborn and playing with preschooler.

Anyway, the only good thing is that as it is my second baby I know that I basically managed to eventually get back to almost my weight that is 58 kg (2kg different from the perfect state but I am not one of those to nitpick over such a tiny details). BUT it took me 2,5 years! So it is a semi good news.

I am writing it while drinking tea and thinking if I should get myself one more piece of chocolate or not... The reasons I am sill without chocolate in my mouth is that I would have to stand up (moving is almost like exercising) and go all the way to the kitchen and because I feel conflicted to write a post about how much I want to loose weight while consuming yet another piece of chocolate. 

What I am actually trying to say here is that I am not a diet believer. I recognize that one way of losing weight is to withhold eating sugary, salty, fatty and other good tasting stuff. But I am not that disciplined and I am a foodie. I acknowledge that there is no way of cutting some kilos while eating like there is not tomorrow. 'Don't Eat A Lot' (DONEAL) is a rule one has to implement but I am opting for gradual change. 

For me the way of getting back to my size is moving, moving, and moving. The more sports I do the more I drink water, which is good for loosing weight, I sleep better which is essential for life, health and losing weight, I eat less because I sleep better and I am happier so I am more inclined to DONEAL to reach my goals. But most of all moving, moving, and moving strategy means for me more guilt free chocolate!

Now it is clear why it took me 2,5 years to get back in shape and kind of in my size. This time I would like to achieve it faster. 1 kilo per month (healthy and realistic enough rate) starting from January as I do not plan to say no to any Christmas specialty. Christmas is once per year and it is one of its perks to eat good food from morning to evening in cozy company of friends and family. So I start from January. I also from the start gave myself 2 months without sports so my body can recover after delivering my second baby. So yeah January it is.

Anyway, 1 kilo per month would mean still 8 kilo too much by the summer. So I need better results.

Lets see in June... 

How I will train? I am actually not sure yet. At the moment I live in COVID-19 risk area and we have hard lockdown all the way to mid-January (although I think it will be longer...) which means my gym is closed. I have some gear at home: weights, bench, step and elliptic - that will have to be sufficient.

Lastly, I was not sure if I am brave enough to take a photo of myself 'before' so I can put also the 'after' one too... It took a bit of soul searching but I decided to do it. My husband is impressed but he warned me that my photo might be used for promoting of some random products online. I have to say I have hard time believing that my purple power ranger outfit will make a cut to promote absolutely anything so I am ready to take a risk...

Me one and half month after my second child was born, 72 kg.

November 2020

This was my first month as a mom of two kids. It was lovely because my husband took holidays to take care of me and our kids. Everyday felt like Saturday - there was so much to do, clean and take care of but it was still like weekend day.

I have managed to finish two books which I am proud of considering the little time and energy I have those days.

BOOKS

'Why we sleep'  by Matthew Walker

I have learned a lot about importance of sleep and I have implemented more strict protecting of sleeping time rules for me and my core family. It is a lot of information but it definitely puts our culture of neglecting sleep in perspective. I highly recommend it but if you have a choice to read it or to sleep please always choose to sleep.

'The way we're working isn't working' by Tony Schwartz

I haven't learned much new from this book because I have read books dedicated to various topics Schwartz is discussing in his book. However, I found it still interesting summary of many concepts I have interest in growing my understanding of. The focus of this book is a lot on applying it in the business world which currently I do not have a need for but if you do this book is a nice reference.

October 2020

This month I woke up to life in COVID-19 risk area. I am approaching new flu/covid-19 season already energy depleted, as my life has already been for a while simple and as isolated as sanity allowed.

However, this month ended with a little baby being born and expanding my family with love and joy. It is a sweet distraction from all that is happening in the world.

BOOKS

'Women Don't Own You Pretty' by Florence Given

This book is full of well observed social gender problems and practical tips. Florence Given come across as smart and passionate but at moments a bit too intense as for me. She talks a lot about self development in the context of sexuality and relationships which I enjoyed. Totally agree one should not pretend to be less just to protect ones partner's ego or altering oneself to satisfy omni existent male gaze criteria. However, she seems to advice finding prince/princess perfect that will love one the way one is since one is so perfect... It is an aspect I disagree with her about and would like to comment on. If you search for a partner find someone with who you agree on most important to you aspects and with who you can grow and keep becoming better and better version of yourself while watching them doing just the same for themselves. We are all humans in making. 

'Reboot' by Jerry 

First of all it is business book about spiritual growth needed to succeed in the highest positions in the corporation ladder or as a business owner. Jerry' style of writing is tiny bit too spiritual for me but his metaphorical approach softens truths and they easier to swallow. Also, because not being hard core psychological it is easier to go through (than other book I am currently chewing) and do a bit of journaling without getting constantly too deep into problems from the past (that is emotionally draining, and one can do only that much at a time).

I plan to write a separate post based on this book: 'There is no path... deal with it' (one day when my brain will wiggle itself out of dipper issues). 

'Big Magic' by Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth's TED talk about inspiration and creativity is one of my favorite TED talks. This book is an expansion of the thoughts she shared there. This book is precious to me as I am striving to go back to more creative way of living. This book is filled with wisdom and I can only recommend it.

'All my friends are superheroes' by Andrew Kaufman

It is a cute short love story. Sens of humor there is totally to my taste and I enjoyed reading it.

September 2020

I have started my maternity leave this month. In Germany that is 6 weeks before estimated delivery date and 8 weeks after. I plan to take almost a year off as I expect to have a lot to do with two kids. Also, since corona-times started I try to plan for the worst case scenario - no safe childcare options. I am more of a skeptic than optimist comparing how long our lifestyle will be significantly influenced by new reality. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am the crazy fish in the water but I have a life time of experience in being in some way or the other an outsider so that don't bother me much (here in my head I hear Shania Twain 'That don't impress me much').

My psychological therapy goal went astray this month and I have finished only one book from many half read laying on my nightstand. My mind was scattered in search for material that will help me cope with my quite shaky self image, and I was spending more time on amazon in search for new books instead of reading those I've already had.

BOOKS

'Mindset' by Dr Carol S. Dweck

This book was great to think about fixed versus growth mindset. It gives so many examples that surely most of people can find themselves out there. We all are a mixture of growth and fixed mindset and knowing when which come to lead out actions and thoughts can help us GROW... I found it useful as a woman on a job market, a mother and a wife.

My mindset is definitely improving thanks to the time spend contemplating my inner dialogs while reading this book.

Women vs Corona Pandemic

 At some point during this pandemic there was a discussion in media of at least most European and North American countries about the impact of the corona situation on women. Discussions are good, but here we are months into the crisis and those discussions haven't led to any plans (not to mention actions).

Let me point out some aspects:

First of all, just because men dies more than 2 times more often on COVID-19 than women and have severe course of the disease that does not mean women do not die on it and do not suffer when infected. [1,2,3] My fear is that this will support as always to test medicine mostly or only on men and women will be left with hope that what works for men will at least a bit in some cases work on them too... [4]

Secondly, there was huge carelessness about impact of the COVID-19 on pregnant women. Lack of evidence became a synonym of no-problem. When we knew that almost any other disease including the flu from the same family of viruses is putting women in the high risk group. First in August started to emerge doubts of this naive approach.  The truth is we know very little but we know that there might be impact on fetus development in early stages of the pregnancy if the virus will get to the blood stream. COVID-19 can also cause blood clots that can impact a blood flow to the baby. Pregnant women due to their suppressed immune system response have very different way of going through the disease and might first severely suffer after the delivery. [5] Additionally comes the stress for a possible impact on fetus and eventually a baby, that significantly adds to already many emotional difficulties that women go though during the pregnancy. As well as issues connected with getting enough of oxygen while wearing a mask, that are obligatory even for pregnant women many public places as social awareness of a special situation for pregnant women were low or none. (Although it improved with time.)

The third point is the socioeconomic impact [6] on women generally as women were faster be be laid of and they are being slower to re-employ [7,8] and mothers specifically as women took bigger share of home-schooling and child care [9]. Housework was not distributed equally and a lot of women feel that this situation brought them to their physical, psychological and emotional limits. Current situation is increasing gender inequalities and pushing women back at least 20 years back in time.

The fourth issue is domestic violence. [10, 11] Yes, men can also be a victim of the domestic violence however up to any study conducted they are typically on the abuser side.

The fifth expectation of unachievable perfection so called 'having it all' haven't disappeared despite the world going through the crisis impacting almost every aspect of our everyday life and making it more challenging in this or other way. [12,13]

Where am I emotionally about this situation... well I am deep into feeling frustrated and annoyed. Why? Well, I am a women, I am a mother, and I am pregnant... I am quite impacted and I am stressed when I think about the upcoming second wave.

What could help me?  

For example, 1) strict obligation of testing medicines on men and women cells in the early development and then including women equally into clinical trials 2) more testing on specific groups (here I refer both to pregnant women and children) even when there are no symptoms especially in situations of outbreaks (for example: quarantines in schools is not enough to learn something we need to test everyone we want to quarantine), 3) a sustainable thought the pandemic schooling and child care solutions.

References:

[1] https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpubh.2020.00152/full

[2] https://www.statista.com/statistics/1105512/coronavirus-covid-19-deaths-by-gender-germany/

[3] https://healthcare-in-europe.com/en/news/why-covid-19-hits-men-harder-than-women.html

[4] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/apr/30/fda-clinical-trials-gender-gap-epa-nih-institute-of-medicine-cardiovascular-disease

[5] https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2020/08/why-pregnant-women-face-special-risks-covid-19

[6] https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/09/covid-19-gender-inequality-jobs-economy/

[7] https://time.com/5851352/women-labor-economy-coronavirus/

[8] https://www.wto.org/english/news_e/news20_e/info_note_covid_05aug20_e.pdf

[9] https://www.cnbc.com/2020/07/14/how-coronavirus-could-do-long-term-damage-to-womens-careers.html

[10] https://www.tum.de/nc/en/about-tum/news/press-releases/details/36059/

[11] https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/un-supporting-%E2%80%98trapped%E2%80%99-domestic-violence-victims-during-covid-19-pandemic

[12] https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5107921/Pressure-women-makes-health-suffer.html

[13] https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/oct/14/perfect-girls-five-women-stories-mental-health

August 2020

Last month I have posted not the most fancy post ever but I did it. And to be honest I felt quite empowered by that. I missed this form of cluttering WWW with my content.

BOOKS

'In the Company of Men' by Eileen Scully

This book touches on different aspects of the reality in which women live in and does it by telling stories of few ladies who on top of having great careers decided to fight for a better future for other women. It is an interesting book but the writing style is not my favorite.

'Never Split the Difference: Negotiate as your life depends on it.' by Christopher Voss and Tahl Raz

If you want to read one book on negotiation you can make it this one, it can also be a book to start with this fascinating topic. It has practical tips, interesting stories and some level of psychological explanations. However, it is very business oriented despite claiming that the techniques can be applied to any aspect of life.

'Lean In. Women, work, and the will to lead.' by Sheryl Sandberg with Nell Scovell

This book is full of good advises on career for women. New to me were for example: to think more about future salary possibilities than on current while making decision to resign from pursuing some work related opportunities or goals; to tune negotiating methods to the way women are perceived which is different than men. There is slightly too little vulnerability for me to be fully impressed but I have learned a lot and enjoyed shared stories and knowledge.

December 2019 - July 2020 - update and summary

Starting in January 2020, I took a half a year break from my phd work as I was an exhausted human being. I have started again on the first of July. My break did not look as I have envisioned it to be but one can not plan for a world pandemic coming and shaking the way we lived so far. Luckily the life in my community is starting to resemble normality so it is getting easier and easier to navigate everyday life.

BOOKS

I have been dealing with issue of not finishing books I have been starting so one of my New Years resolutions was to change that bad habit. So far I haven't made much progress but I did managed to finish some books.

'Invisible Women' by Caroline Criado Perez

This book is about data bias and gap in the world designed by and for men. It won a Science Book Prize in 2019. It is filled with disturbing information how lack of data about women drives the discrimination. It made me angry and made me look at ladies around me with even more understanding. I highly recommend this book to everyone.

'Kingdom of Ash' by Sarah J Maas

This is last book in the series of seven books 'Throne of Glass'. It is a good final book and I liked the whole series but the way characters developed was not always relatable for me. All in all whole series is a good fun read.

'Nudge' by Thaler and Sunstein

Quite heavy with economics language that I am not most comfortable with but I definitely learned a lot. Very interesting book.

'Art Matters' by N. Gaiman

Very inspiring short read.

TRAVEL

I went for few days to Szczecin, Poland. I ate wonderful cakes and ice-cream in 'Ale Ciacho' - if you in town this cafe is a must.