I have restarted my phd which I am still confused about as I have spend at least 2 years to accept the fact that for my mental health it would be best to drop it. But I am finalizing redefining my new focus with a new team of advisors and my excitement slowly but cautiously grows.
I got new neighbors and started doing more sports that includes running with the new neighbor which got me on my sporty path... It is a beginning of eating cakes and drinking hot beverages while sitting on sofa season so lets see how far my new fitness enthusiasm will get me not to mention how long it will actually last.
I got a nanny for my kids that is my other neighbors granddaughter. It was going great and we all started to get used to new routine. I was getting better and better in actually letting go of my kids despite of being home and using more and more of the time for actual work. And then she resigned due to overload with her studies... I am in a bit of difficult situation. I was not completely surprised (one needs to expect that something like this can happen, and there were signals coming) but it is still something generating this level of inconvenience in my private an professional life that I had to take two days to process my disappointment. Now my eyes are dry and I am ready to search for new solutions although to be honest I am still partially in pieces. The whole thing is that I really got to like the idea of working from home while my kids are there and the nanny has a look at them. Such a set up is consistent with my view on parenting and how I see myself as a parent... and now it might be off the table! It was pure sheer of luck to get in contact with this nanny... a substitute is not a realistic option. And to tell the truth, the longer my kids are home and I am so highly involved in their upbringing the more reluctant I am to give them to the educational system...It is a bit annoying as 3 years ago I didn't have the knowledge I have now to have opinions I have about educating kids... Anyway, I do not want to dwell on details but I need to complain that I am in need for some solution to my childcare crisis as my phd clock is ticking and I have to generate some output if I should ever graduate...
Since I have not been reading much and my efforts were scattered over few books... all I managed to finish during the last two months is one book... I do not want to excuse myself anymore as I can clearly see that both my reading and my promptness in posting has deteriorated. I am obviously not happy about it but as I do not have that much impact on my circumstances (my little boy is teething, learning to walk and talk… or in short he seem to be ok with sleepless nights... my brain not that much!)… I need to grieve and accept this temporary situation when anything I do beyond taking care of kids and home is on borrowed time.
Goodnight…
Book(s)
“The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday
Quite timely reading for me about learning from troubles that inevitably come our way... I agree with the writer that one should not let oneself get carried away by extreme emotions. However, feelings come all the time no matter if we want them or not. It might also take years of self development to reach a level of calm where extreme emotions are harmless. In meantime... already from day one, the best one can do is to practice mindfulness about feelings and curiously observe and reflect on them when they come. Emotions should be felt fully but often not acted upon at the moment they occur - both aspects are at least for me a fascinating work in progress.
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